Mindfulness

At the beginning of this year I read a book about mindfulness.  Reading the book and following the practices based on Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy really helped me to gain a new perspective on the world.  It introduced the concept of mindfulness meditation and helped me to understand the reasons behind thought patterns, particularly negative ones that can be so destructive. It was a relief to know I wasn't alone in this thinking and there was a way to tackle it which has been clinically proven to work. We all have normal feelings of anxiety, stress and sadness, but mindfulness meditation helps prevent these from spiralling downwards leading to prolonged periods of unhappiness and exhaustion.

Meditation is not necessarily about religion or looking for enlightenment, at it's simplest it involves just focusing on the breath, and when your mind wanders bringing the attention back to the breath.  This allows you to observe your thoughts instead of getting caught up in them, and realise they are just thoughts that come and go.  This realisation was a big turning point for me, ultimately I had a new perspective which meant I had a choice on whether to act on them or not.  Mindfulness is about observation without criticism and being compassionate with yourself.  In my last post I talked about compassion,  but up until I read this book that concept hadn't even occurred to me before.  It gave me a greater mental clarity and helped me to break some of my unconscious habits of thinking and behaving.

The terms mindfulness and meditation are often used interchangeably.  Basic meditation involves focusing on the breath which simply allows the mind to rest, but mindfulness meditation involves training the mind to observe things non judgmentally.  Mindfulness is a way of living day to day consciously and mindfully of which the ultimate goal is to make choices and have all our actions and reactions reflect those choices.

When I tried meditation I felt a calm and stillness in my mind which encouraged me to keep going with the practice.  It is what made me realise that I was running on autopilot a lot of the time, it's what inspired me to start this blog and what prompted the search for my smiley face.  It's still a work in progress, and this is just the beginning.

Further reading:
Mindfulness, a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world.  Mark Williams and Danny Pennman, 2011, Piatkus

Compassion

Recently I attended a conference for the Prince's Trust, a charity that gives practical and financial support to young disadvantaged people.  The majority of the attendees were volunteers, and it got me thinking about the motivation for people who give up their time and experience to mentor young people to help them reach their full potential.  

The simple fact is that helping others makes us feel good.  People volunteer for many different reasons, but there are usually multiple motivators.  When volunteering for the first time, the motivation is often extrinsic, existing outside of the individual. But external motivation like the desire to give back is not deep rooted in our personality and as volunteers continue, they discover their intrinsic motivations and they become personally invested.  As they reach out to others, they discover things about themselves and they get a lot out of it, motivating them to continue.

Sympathy, empathy and compassion are important factors in mentoring, but it is important to distinguish between them.  Sympathy is feeling sorry for another's hurt or pain with some emotional distance, while empathy is he ability to experience for yourself the pain that the other person is feeling, tuning in to another person's emotional experience.  One downside to this though is when distressing emotions can be overwhelming, as similar areas of the brain are activated in both the person who suffers and the one who feels empathy. We witness suffering on a daily basis, whether it's on the street, we read about it on the newspaper, or we see it on TV and in movies.   Compassion is more involved than empathy, which commonly gives rise to an active desire to alleviate another's suffering. While many of us easily get emotional watching sad movies or offer help to those in need, it's often difficult to extend compassion to ourselves. It's easy to criticise and judge ourselves and we learn to put others first, but being kind to ourselves allows us to reduce our own suffering, become stronger and offer authentic compassion to others.

Giving to others is a source of contentment and satisfaction. Last week I added some spare change to a charity collection tin and was given a sticker - with a smiley face on it!

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion, if you want to be happy, practice compassion"           Dalai Lama