After thinking and reading a lot about goals and resolutions, there seems to be many different ways to approach them and make them last, but do any of these actually make us change?
I came accross an article which argued that while in theory everyone can change, in practice most people don't, and where there is change it represents an amplification of an already existing character. And while some are more capable of changing than others, deliberate attempts to change are less effective than we think. While a few of the arguments raised in the article made sense, in my view it represents a black and white, all or nothing way of thinking.
Sometimes change can feel impossible, but is it really? It's easy to think our personalities are set in stone, but they evolve and mature over time. The act of making a choice is in itself a change, and often it is our thoughts, beliefs and attitude that stands in the way. But it's difficult to recognise how things will feel on the other side of how they are now and it's easy to stay with the familiar. When we experience change in our environment, the fight or flight response is triggered and fear pushes you into panic mode causing internal resistance. Past experiences and beliefs help to prepare us for what to expect but it means we experience things as we anticipated it, whether it is actually that way or not. The article mentions that the recipe for change involves building self awareness, changing a few behaviours and a lot of willpower. It doesn't matter how much willpower you have if you hold limiting thoughts and beliefs that create resistance that is just as strong, if not stronger, than the desire to change. But simply being aware of what is happening means that you can circumnavigate it, and taking small manageable steps helps to reprogramme your expectations.
We think if we are not affecting major change in our life then it's not happening, but changing small things accumulate and it's often others who notice a change in us before we do. The only way anything can change is one small piece at a time. We can always choose our attitude, regardless of circumstances. Even if you don't change overnight, the decision to work toward something better gives strength to make better choices in everyday life. Thoughts, feelings, actions and the environment are all intertwined; a change in one creates a ripple effect in others.
If there's one thing that's constant in life, it's change and it often happens without us noticing it. Nothing ever stays the same but it can be looked at differently if you consider it as an opportunity to let go of the way things were and find possibilities in the way things are. The article questioned if we could really change our personalities but does that even matter? Why fight with who you are when you can always change what you do. We all change, we just have to make that choice.
"Whether you think you can or can't, you're right" Henry Ford
Further Reading:
http://blogs.hbr.org/2013/12/if-you-want-to-change-dont-read-this/
Further Reading:
http://blogs.hbr.org/2013/12/if-you-want-to-change-dont-read-this/
