Look On The Bright Side

This week I read an interesting article on Linkedin titled 'The Positive Power of Negative Thinking'.  In it, the author argues that despite the perceived benefits of positive thinking, those who would define themselves as a pessimist are actually more successful when they focus on the reasons they're likely to fail because negative thinking transforms anxiety into action.  At the other end of the scale optimists tend to benefit from more confidence and thrive in jobs that require resilience and perseverance.

The key is to find the best of both worlds and strike a balance between the blue sky view and a more realistic assessment of any given situation. It's not a matter of thinking positively or negatively but the use of strategies that match our thinking style.

I'd like to say that I'm a glass is half full type of person, but in reality I tend to think on the negative side and about anything that can possibly go wrong. It turns out though that this can be a good thing.  In the same way that guilt acts as our moral compass, anxiety leads us to anticipate the worst and be prepared for it.  At work it means I can prevent things from going wrong and when planning events anticipate problems so that everything is under control on the day.

Personally, anxiety can tell us that we need to make changes, for example unresolved issues that need to be addressed or an unexpressed gift or desire. This can inspire us to change our approach to work, our passions or our mindset.

It's all a matter of looking at negative thinking and anxiety as an opportunity, the difference is the way we look at it.  This goes a long way when we learn what it's teaching us and that is when we can take action.

'The Power of Negative Thinking" Adam Grant, Linkedin October 15, 2013
http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131015140307-69244073-the-positive-power-of-negative-thinking

Positive Acceptance

We all deal with stress in our lives, and recently I've realised that some are able to deal with it better than others.  Stress is a physical response of the nervous system when we perceive a threat.  The body kicks into the fight or flight reaction, releasing stress hormones including adrenaline and cortisol which helps us stay focused, energetic, and alert. In small doses, it can help us stay out of physical danger, perform under pressure and motivate us to do our best, the problem is the body doesn't distinguish between physical and psychological threats and if you’re constantly running in emergency mode, the long term effects can lead to serious health problems.

The pressures we deal with on a daily basis have evolved along with us.  An important step in managing stress is identifying the sources, but the true sources of stress are not always that obvious.  When I did this myself I realised it wasn't caused by work or relationships but my own thoughts, feelings and behaviours.  It wasn't anything to do with the situations I was in, it was the way I perceived them and dealt with them that was the problem.

In my search to find an answer I came across the idea of positive acceptance, 'accepting what is.'  Stress generally involves resisting what is, which is wanting something to be different right now.  Either we want something not to have happened or we want a situation not to exist, but doing so is wishing for the impossible. This doesn't mean resigning ourselves to situations and not trying to change them, but about not wishing something was already different. Accepting what is means moving away from this thought pattern and focusing only on what we need to do to resolve the situation or improve the future. Those who are stress resilient do this naturally but for most it is a skill which can be learned and practiced by noticing whenever we are wishing something was different, recognising that it is irrational, dropping the thought and refocusing on what we can do to improve it.

Doing this on a regular basis makes it easier and can be applied to any situation both personally and professionally. I now have a note on my desk which says 'accept what is' which helps me to focus when I have a lot do or a looming deadline.  At first this idea seemed almost too simple but when I tried it, it really worked.

We can't avoid stress in our lives, but we can change the way we react to it.  Focus on solutions not problems to find your smiley face.

Press Pause

At work we have a recurring meeting agenda item to reflect and refocus, this is an opportunity to take a step back from daily activities and look objectively at any issues which need to be addressed. At our last meeting we discussed the difficulties of taking time to do this on a regular basis when we are busy, so I scheduled some time in the diaries as a weekly reminder to stop and reflect.

Following this it occurred to me that this would be useful personally too.  Recently I've been learning a lot about how the mind works and realised how much time I spend on autopilot, mindlessly doing things without really thinking about it.  This happens particularly when I'm driving when sometimes I take a completely wrong turn purely out of habit. Because of the sheer amount of sensory information the brain needs to process it filters some things out and the result is that sometimes we can miss what's right in front of us.

Recent studies carried out suggest that up to 95% of our behaviour is determined by the subconscious, the part of the mind that functions without awareness.  The subconscious mind is like a computer programme that includes information from experiences, memories, habits and beliefs.  One of the reasons the subconscious is so powerful is that it can process far more information per second than the conscious mind.  When we act on auto pilot our behaviour tends to become repetitive.  This means we don't have to learn things over and over again but it also means our thought patterns become hard-wired.

The benefits of being more childlike apply here too, they love exploring and questioning things that we have learned to accept as the norm.  Pressing pause to be more curious can really help see things from a different perspective. We are at our most creative when we are not thinking about it, the subconscious mind works in the background and we often think of ideas when we are distracted by a habitual task and in a relaxed state of mind. This is because the mind stops focusing on the details of the problems we are trying to resolve and focuses inwards on the connections that lead to insights.  Often the answers were always there, we just need to listen to them.

Taking time to reflect allows the opportunity to look at our beliefs and opinions and question if they are true according to the knowledge we have. Often simple awareness is enough, allowing us to choose our actions rather than reacting based on autopilot.

Albert Einstein summed it up well when he said "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them."

Emotions at Work

I regularly pick up a copy of Stylist on my way home from work to read on the train journey home, it's a free magazine handed out at stations to commuters.  It's from the same people that produce Shortlist, and I now look forward to Wednesday journeys home when I can read the latest edition.  In a recent issue there was an article entitled 'Is Your Boss A Phsycho?" which caught my attention, not because I think my boss is a phsycho but because it raised a few interesting points. The article pointed out that being pshycopathic doesn't necessarily make you a serial killer, rather it is someone with a distinct cluster of personality traits, including narcissism, persuasiveness and lack of conscience and is often found in successful business figures, particularly CEOs.  I took the questionnaire and was glad that I scored pretty low on the psychopathic spectrum and it got me thinking about the other end of the scale too.  I can see how traits like charisma, fearlessness and focus is useful for those in positions with tough decisions to make, but what about the other end of the spectrum? Does scoring low on phychopathic traits mean you can't be successful in the ruthless world of business? I know I'm a pretty empathetic individual, I feel other's pain easily and I'm always very considered when it comes to decisions, weighing up situations from different angles and really thinking things through before I do anything.

Recent events at work where things have happened to colleagues that affect both their personal and professional lives has really brought the subject of emotions at work into focus for me.  Emotions are what define us, yet sometimes it is as if we detach our emotions before going to work.  Emotions can be seen as unprofessional and the focus is often on what can be measured, but what lies at the heart of most companies are the people who work for the company and the customers they serve.  We want customers to trust us, we want to show them that we care and value them, yet emotions are often ignored in business because it is difficult to quantify. Happy customers are more likely to remain loyal and recommend services, but equally happy employees are more engaged, meaning they voluntarily give the company and their customers their commitment.  Empathy is important as good customer service is often built on building understanding and trust, and maintaining this even when things go wrong.  Previous to being an assistant I worked in customer relations resolving complaints.  I have to admit this was not my favourite job and it often pushed me out of my comfort zone, but I learned a lot from it and seemed to do it pretty well, and looking back now I realise it was probably because I have a lot of empathy.  While I sometimes doubted myself, my decisions were always carefully considered and I remember hearing at the time that often customer satisfaction is higher after a complaint as long as it was handled well.

In his 1995 book, 'Emotional Intelligence' Daniel Goleman developed the argument that that non-cognitive skills like empathy and interpersonal skills can matter as much as IQ, advocating the importance of emotions in business.  Although difficult to quantify, it is important that there are  those who look at the bottom line and make tough decisions, but it's equally important that this is balanced with those who look at things from a different perspective.  Particularly in customer driven businesses where customer experience is the focus, emotions are even more important.

Emotions affect us in every area of our lives; both personally and professionally.  It's possible to find a smiley face at work too.

References:
Is Your Boss A Psycho? Stylist, Sept 4 2013
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Bantam Books 1995

Letting Go

Continuing with my smiley faces theme, recently my family had a get together over the weekend.  This was a rare opportunity to see all of my family in one place as we are now based in different locations.  In my first post I talked about releasing control on a weekend trip and learned the benefits of letting go.  As I watched my nieces and nephews playing I realised that I could learn a few things from them too.  As babies when they were learning to walk, if they fell down they just got back up and tried again until they were successful, they didn't feel disappointed with themselves because they didn't get it right the first time.  As older kids now they live in the present moment, they don't hold on to past mistakes or worry about the future.  If they fall and hurt themselves, they cry, work through the pain and five minutes later it's as if it had never happened.  They forgive easily and don't hold grudges. They release their emotions as and when they arrive. I've noticed that as adults this seems to change, we replay things in our minds, wondering if we should have done things differently. Attempts become mistakes and self judgement kicks in.

During the family weekend we took the kids to the park and my youngest niece made a sand angel, on which she then drew... a smiley face!  Was this coincidence or the world trying to tell me something?  Am I over thinking this?  Maybe, and maybe that's another lesson to learn.  Sometimes things don't go as we planned and sometimes we make mistakes, but the trick is to look at it differently, as an 'attempt' we learn from then let it go instead of carrying it around for fear of making the same mistake again.  As I was driving the other day the song 'Wake Me Up' by Avicii came on the radio and for the first time I listened to the lyrics "I tried carrying the weight of the world, but I only have two hands" and it made me think.  Apparently Thomas Edison invented the light bulb on his 1000th attempt and was quoted as saying "I have not failed 1000 times, I have successfully found 1000 ways that will not work."

As if by some other coincidence, I have a day to view calendar on my desk at work, and each day has a quote.  Last week one of the quotes was "some mistakes are too much fun to only make once."  It is important to learn from them, but it's just as important, if not more, to then let it go.

The sand angel smiley face

Inspiration for this post came from a few articles I have read on the Tiny Buddha website:
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/use-self-acceptance-to-learn-from-the-past-and-let-it-go/
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/be-more-childlike-life-can-be-beautiful/

The Venice of the North

I have to admit my initial impression of Stockholm was that it's expensive - it certainly has that reputation, but as it turns out, it doesn't need to be.  One thing I know how to do is plan, so a bit of research later I found myself at the airport boarding a short and inexpensive flight to Sweden's capital, sometimes referred to as 'the Venice of the North'.  On arrival, it wasn't difficult to see why.  The city consists of easily navigable islands separated by sparkling waterways which account for a third of the city's total surface area.

I decided for this trip I would step out of my comfort zone and not plan an itinerary - just go with the flow and see what happens.  This is completely against my nature, I'm a keen traveller and my previous trips have been planned down to every. last . detail.  This is usually after meticulous research, checking various top attraction lists and guide books, determined to tick them all off the list.  But this time was different.  I arrived in Stockholm without a plan and although I did feel an initial sense of panic (I hadn't even pre-booked the bus from the airport to the city!) it all turned out for the best. After buying tickets for the bus at the airport and were soon in the city, checking in to our impeccably clean and quiet hostel.  I have to admit at this point I did have a pre printed map of the location of the hostel - baby steps!  It was late on a Friday when we arrived and my first impressions were that it was peaceful and quiet, not much like it is at the same time back home on a weekend evening. 

old town

The next morning we headed to the tourist information centre to decide what to do.  A triathlon was on at the time affecting the sightseeing bus route so we opt for a boat tour instead, taking in the sights of the beautiful waterways that connect the city.  Next we head over to old town to check out the old alleyways and cobbled streets. We don't pay attention to the map and just wander and find a lovely cafe where we stop for a drink and some people watching. The old town is beautiful, if a little busy with tourists but not so much if you wander off the beaten track.  We decide to go back later for some Swedish meatballs for dinner (when in Sweden!) and find a cute little place with photos on the menu which helps us with our choice. 

sunset view over the city

As the sun starts to set we head up to Monteliusvagen - a short walk along the tops of the cliffs of Sodermalm.  It's a bit of a walk to get there but we are rewarded with a fantastic view of the old town and city hall during a stunning red and pink sunset which seemed to last for ages.  As night fell, we walked down past the water which looked like glass in the moonlight, reflecting the beautiful old buildings lit up.

love locks on the bridge

The next day we spend some time at the park, sitting in glorious warm sunshine at the edge of the water, watching with fascination as windsurfers persevered on their boards, not moving at all due to the lack of wind!  We then walk across the adjacent Western Bridge which connects the North and South City.  At the middle of the bridge we find love locks - padlocks affixed to the bridge by couples to symbolise their everlasting love.  It was a fantastic view from there of the entire city - and not one included in any of the 'must do' lists for visitors to the city.  On our way back we walk through the park again and I come across a few smiley faces - one drawn on the ground, one on a climbing wall and one a shop sign and stop to take photos of them.

 

changing if the guard at the Royal Palace

Later we walk back to the old town again to watch the changing of the guard at the Royal Palace then pick up some souvenirs and everything we find is expensive, even a small bottle of water cost the equivalent of £2.10.  The scandinavians are known for their high standard of living and it's evident here but we've managed to keep the costs down in travel and accomodation and it was well worth it.



I didn't tick off all of the top 10 must see sites, but I really found the heart of this beautiful city and found my smiley face in more ways than one, where will you find yours?